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| How Love Grows |
By Brenda Shoshanna
We are meant to live a life of love. However, no matter how
successful some are in other aspects of their lives, they don’t
feel it’s possible to have the same success in love. They tell
themselves to “be realistic.” But being in love is the most
mature and realistic thing you can do. The real question is, how
can we learn to help love grow in all aspects of our lives? Here
are some steppingstones will show how to help love grow.
The One Right Besides You
Most of the time we are either searching for the right person
or wanting to change the one we are with. We do not take a
precious moment to stop and truly see the one who is right in
front of our eyes.
Look at a person who is close to you right now – anyone it
happens to be. Notice what you are demanding of them in order to
be happy together. Then notice the ways in which you push them
away.
For a moment, stop it. Spend time just being together. Allow
things to go whatever way they do. Let all of it be fine just as
it is. Tomorrow, do the same thing with someone else. The more
we can be “right” and happy with each person we meet, the fuller
and more joyous our lives will be.
Playing At The Game of Love
So many complain that they are not loved. The reason for this
can be quite simple. They are so busy playing roles and games
that the partner never gets to know who they really are. They
never know either.
Notice what roles (or games) you play in relationships, and
what roles you demand others play.. See if you are in love with
the person you are with, or with the role he/she is playing
right now.
Turn this around for a little while. Stop playing roles
completely. Love is not a game we play. Love is knowing and
accepting yourself and the other exactly as they are. Who we are
is always loveable and beautiful. It’s the roles that get in the
way.
Letting Him Come and Letting Him Go
One great obstacle in living a life of love is the tendency to
hold on. We grasp and cling to those we care for, preventing
their freedom and ease. But this is not love, it is attachment
and dependency. In the long run it suffocates the one you cling
to and suffocates you too.
Try giving it up for awhile. Let the person come and go as they
feel. See how wonderful both of you will feel when you grant
your partner this kind of trust. It is said that we can never
lose that which belongs to us.
It’s important to put this into action. When someone comes into
your life (or day) practice letting him come. Welcome the person
– whoever he is. Enjoy what it is he brings.When it is time for
a person to go away, practice letting him go. Do not turn the
person’s leaving into an experience of rejection, loss or
abandonment. Realize that his leaving has nothing to do with
you. It is simply time for him to go.
Do this with yourself as well. Let yourself come and go freely
in life, not tying yourself in unnecessary chains. The more we
free others and ourselves, the more love can grow.
Letting Go Of Unnecessary Expectations
Many feel that love is not possible unless all their demands
are met. They can be quite amazed to discover that even when
these demands are met, nothing really changes. These demands
don’t lead to happiness. They just may be obstacles to love.
Take a look at what you feel is absolutely necessary in
relationships. Realize this Expectations may be keeping all
kinds of people and possibilities away. Not only that, these
expectations can be making you fearful and rigid, not open to
what is available.
Let one of these demands subside. At first let it go for just
one day and see how it feels. (Remember you can always take it
back again). Now try another the next day. As we do this many
times, we may find that that which we thought was crucial was
only getting in the way. The more we do this the lighter we will
feel and all kinds of new people will start appearing in our
lives. We have made room.
Cc/author/2007
About the Author: Discover the surprising truths about love
that will save your relationship, in Dr. Shoshanna’s top e-book
Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful
Relationships). http://www.truthaboutlove.com. Psychologist,
relationship expert, speaker, and noted author has helped
thousands become stable.
Source: http://www.isnare.com
Permanent Link:
http://www.isnare.com/?aid=159152&ca=Relationships
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